If you are still looking for your true love, if you are single and don’t want to be, then be open to saying Yes to someone who doesn’t look like, feel like, behave like, work at, or do anything like all the other people you’ve been with before.
This is especially important if you have ever been co-dependent, been enmeshed in caretaking, have had little sense of yourself as a distinct person separate from your love interest, and if you thought you needed others to complete you.
And this is also for you if you’ve been attracted to people who demonstrate the worst traits of your early caregivers, or if you only noticed bad boys and wild girls who eventually treated you poorly.
Why Am I Writing About Love?
People with body image, food challenges or with compulsive behaviours often want to know how they will find true love, as they are healing from their challenges.
They are looking for love.
What they long for and really need above all else, though they might not be conscious of it, is to love themselves as they are.
So, if you’ve found yourself finally clear enough about and living your own values, participating in life and dealing with its shifting realities, and someone asks you out who resembles the people you’ve never noticed, go for coffee.
When, over time they show up kind, thoughtful, attentive, gentle, loving, sweet and never disappoint, and when the child or best friend you trust the most likes them too, slow down even more and get to know them.
If You Freak Out
Now, they might freak you out a lot, and you may not know what to do, so grab a friend who knows you well to remind you that someone is treating you nicely, and that this is not a problem.
Then, bestow a little of your own kindness and compassion for the way this new person is not like anyone else you have ever met, perhaps even seriously not mainstream, and exercise patience.
In time, you will get to know them more, and they will shine like no one else, love you for the chance you gave them to be loved and known, and this might be the best thing that ever happened to you.
The love that grows between you will bring your bodies together in unexpected ways too, so don’t worry about how it will all work out.
Love is a real turn on.
And if they come with a pet, turning you into an animal lover – a self-discovery you could never have imagined – who knows what else might be revealed?
Over To You
Are you looking to find love? What types of people do you get attracted to? What would be the complete opposite?
How can you appreciate yourself on a daily basis?
I would love to hear from you.
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For my one true love, Donald. Happy Birthday Beloved One.
© Miriam Linderman 2015