How will I find love?
This is a question I get a lot.
From men and women.
Tall and short.
Slim and not-so-slim.
Young in body and older in body.
I get this question from people with body-food issues because they yearn for companionship and love if they aren’t in a relationship, and why wouldn’t they want something so natural?
Those who know me also know that I am in a beautiful relationship that never disappoints.
It took a long time to find, because I did not always see what was in front of me nor did I make the best decisions. Unfortunately, it took plenty of suffering to wake up and now, every day is a gift.
So think about finding love and what it means to you.
Do you need to look a certain way to find love?
Because if you think you do, you’re probably focusing on the wrong thing.
What Attracts You to Your Best Friends?
I want you to think about the people in your life who are lovable.
Not just the ones that you find hot and sexy. The ones who make your heart sing – unless you’ve found both in one.
What are those people like, the ones who have become your true friends?
The ones with staying power – what is it about them that you love?
Perhaps you loved them from the start.
Mostly, I bet, love and friendship grew over time.
Though there may be one or two people in your life who just jumped into your heart in a most unexplainable way, never to leave, most worked their way in gradually.
Trust is earned.
You trust trustworthy people, but you won’t know that until they have demonstrated it to you over time.
Think back to the friends you count on to be there for you.
What qualities do they have? Perhaps they are warm and you feel the sunshine from their eyes and hearts.
Maybe they listen well, talk about themselves and also ask about you.
You can count on them to be there for you when you are sick, broken-hearted or when you need to hear hard truth about what they can see that you don’t.
They may make you feel strong, creative, powerful, brilliant and funny.
You feel supported, understood, seen and loved.
Notice what keeps your friendship stable and strong.
Be What You Love in Others
There are times when you meet a stranger and their warmth makes you feel completely comfortable.
They smile at you and it’s like an embrace. Talking with them is easy and they genuinely care.
Long-term romantic relationships are not built on your size or shape.
They are built on who you are, your values and how you behave. And they are built in real time and space.
While heavier people think they are unattractive, so do thin ones.
So while you work on healing and changing your body and body concept, you need to work on how lovable you are and on your loving actions.
Finding a way to love yourself in your body is something that you can do more easily than you might imagine.
If you are a person with a short temper, if you gossip, if you are irrationally jealous, if you are more often than not negative, if you criticize those closest to you a lot, you can see that how you look will not be the main issue.
You’d better get working on your character to become a person who lights up the heart of another.
You’ll find love by being the best possible you.
Too often, people think that when they get to their perfect size, a great life will suddenly appear.
But they still have to work on becoming the kind of person that someone will want to spend time with, live with and have sex with.
Better to deal with those areas as you work on your body issues, instead of bumping up against your not-so-attractive character traits. You know, the ones that you probably noticed in other relationships.
If you are not in love with yourself now, it’ll show and you won’t magically fall in love on command.
What attracts you to your friends that make them treasures?
Those are the qualities that make you appealing too.
Don’t wait for the body you think will be attractive.
Become attractive in the body you have now.
Then, when you come to the day when a kind, real friend suddenly becomes attractive to you in that special way, you will be glowing with a loving heart that will be clearly irresistible.
Then, you will be loved as you love.
Reflections for You
What are the behaviours and patterns you wish you could change, the ones that come up a lot in many relationships and that don’t make you feel as proud of yourself as you wish you could be? Allow yourself to move into new ways of being and behaving. Self – managing is a great tool and habit to develop.
Now, To You
When you comment, you make other readers feel less alone. Thoughts? Questions? I’ll reply.
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© Miriam Linderman 2014
All photos are CC0 Public Domain